The P-Blues

I am having perimenopausal blues.

At least, that's what the doctor said. I missed my period for two straight months and because I already have four kids, was so afraid I could be pregnant. It was like a dark cloud hovering above me everywhere I go for all of my waking hours. I couldn't shake it off.

The sonologist swore she doesn't see any sign of pregnancy. My left ovary was polycystic but, she emphasized, it could be physiologic. Then my kindly ob-gyne this morning gave me a prescription for Provera which she said will bring back my menses. I hope.

I checked online and the side effects include dizziness, nausea and confusion. But I haven't got any choice.  The sonologist said I shouldn't wish for menopause to come soon. You're too still too young, she insisted. Considering the anxiety and stress my missed period has caused, I couldn't help but wish it will just totally go away. Maybe I shouldn't.